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One more day.
Still alive.
Only a little bit of arrythmia.

I love it!

Here comes the night.
Now it is ground zero again.

Almost falling asleep makes me fall in 100 kmph and this makes me awake again. Most of all it makes me afraid to fall asleep again.

I go over all the names of the people i love in my head and give thanks and praise doing this. Often i have to start over and over having lost track and focus of where i am in the list. There are 130 names in the list. Approximately 10 of the persones are not alive any more…..

I love lying on my left arm and shoulder. Doing this and it takes 20-30 seconds and then i get a sharp pain in the region of the heart. I have to shift position to my right side immidiatley to make it go away.


I pray and hope that i can make it one more night.

Finally i wake again – not knowing when i fell asleep. Now it is 02:00. I get up, go to the toilet, drink 2 glasses of water to make the heart work easier, go out in the garden with our dog. Go to the bed and it starts all over again.

At 05:00 it usually repeats it self all over again. Sometimes it is at 05:30. Then i get the morningpaper in our mailbox when we go out with our dog, look at the ads, study the photos and wait until it is 06:15 and then i take my morning medicines. Now i usually do not go to sleep again, but sometimes i do.

Wow. Here comes another day in life. I love it !!!!